Applause

Sitting on a tv set with only a towel or blanket to cover you and you realize you have no idea what your lines are or the storyline. You're the lead and you've been prepping all day to be in this moment and you've gone blank. Cold terror grows in you as they start to film in front of a live audience because OF COURSE it's a comedy. You look at actors you don't know or maybe some you admire and beg forgiveness for the flubs. Walking around to the crew on all sides, you beseech them for a script that NOBODY has until you are able to leave set and find something in a back office that turns out to be the movie version and NOT a comedy. You go on anyway...

Waking up doesn't make the feelings go away. Embarrassment, unprepared, unclothed, fear but finally able to pull it together based on a little information. These are so common in nightmares in various forms. When all our insecurities come rolling to the dream world and take control of the images we build in our minds eye, something's going on. I'm a big supporter of analyzing dreams because it lets you take control over the negative emotions and understand your own thoughts and fears. So many of us have backgrounds or lingering childhood memories that will impact us well into adulthood. Self-awareness includes acknowledging and accepting our insecurities, accepting our experiences and taking what you can from them to help, dispose of the waste. This dream in particular has to do with overachieving and fear of failure or imposter syndrome. Also, fun fact, dreaming in color can indicate strong feelings whether positive or negative. I do it all the time, and I CAN read in my dreams. Not all of them but often, so take that Evil...

I will say that those good dreams, the ones that leave you in a good space, satisfied, excited, laughing or just pleasantly calm, there's nothing like those few minutes after waking. Since the bad ones tend to hold you, then you hold on to the good ones. Write them down, play the song that was in your head, do what you can to keep the feeling for a while.

Thankfully my next night's sleep was less eventful and standard flow, I don't remember all of it but I'm sure I wasn't as scared or pressured as the TV dream. I hate to call it a nightmare, that's for the worst of the worst. Growing up in the 80s we all know Freddy owns those suckers. For the younger crowd, he's the Vecna from our youth. If you haven't watched Stranger Things, you're missing out.

Again, I'm not a medical professional, this is all amateur analysis but I dare say it's accurate for me. If you don't tend to remember your dreams, it doesn't mean they aren't impacting you or that you aren't dreaming. If you aren't getting deep sleep or enough REM, your body will eventually tell you. Make sure you're listening.

Lastly, a loving reminder that having insecurities and occasional slap fights with your inner demons can be normal processing of events. No need to take it all so seriously unless you feel like it's interrupting your waking life or you just want to give your therapist something to do since you're so damn perfect.

-Til the last drop. N