Fair Assessment
I feel for those who meet me at this moment in time. Particularly for individuals attempting to begin or maintain a sincere relationship with my children. You are truly brave, arrogant or just have a bumpy path ahead. They are my world but rightfully are looking to escape the hedgerow. I do hope that my kids truly appreciate our bespoke varietal of bonding, "howling at the moon" I call it. At least occasionally. We're working on our communication and the transition to adulthood just like most parents of teenagers.
One main reason I'm holding space for these interlopers is a point I have touched on. I acknowledge this boulder has taken a lot of my energy and is actually a part of me that has given me pride, joy and freedom over the past decade. Atheism.
Literally, no existence of a deity or supernatural forces.
I don't join groups, absorb energy or identify with others easily, though I am empathetic. I have developed a very strong sense of self, while still experiencing imposter syndrome and insecurities, most likely to mask social anxiety. Hypervigilance is a crutch I recognize I depend on in many spaces. I've crafted my extroverted personality out of survival instinct and I know I'm coming to terms with childhood trauma. I've tried to conquer these mountains for years and I recognize how lucky I am to work on these in a safe space.
So why is religion such a demon for me (and so many others)? Children. Child abuse specifically. Indoctrination. Manipulation. Rejecting science and inquiry. Mind control. These words come to my lips without hesitation. Do I think all people are evil who hold on to religion and teach their children not to question or to lightly accept the largest deficit of evidence in the history of everything? No. I do understand the isle of good intentions. But the questions are honest and shouldn't be suppressed for any reason.
In my perspective, those folks are undoubtedly wrong. And I think that without any scientific evidence there is no reason to learn or teach a ritualistic system of socioeconomic, mental and emotional control. Honestly, even WITH evidence of transsubstantiation I STILL wouldn't tell children to eat human flesh or drink human blood. How fucking sick is that?!
I do not support teaching these myths to my kids or any kids and I take it VERY personally because my ability to communicate the reasons why is always under scrutiny by those around me. I sit in quiet rage many many days trying to not react when I hear nonsense and I am heartened when I hear whispers of understanding from others. There is SO MUCH time wasted on fairytales and oppression in the name of a religion or deity that I have yet to find worth in. Anything less than acknowledging this harm is acquiescence.
Pain comes in many forms, physical, mental, emotional, external, internal. After years of continuous pressure to act on principles that are not my own, that don't represent my values and that purposefully misrepresent their intent, and seeing that same mindset actively oppress others, I am free to release that pain. Your house of cards has no room in a world of free thought and rigorous debate. Religious indoctrination is child abuse.
So these thoughts coincide because there is a heightened sensitivity to communal delusion in my hometown. I've seen many kids forced into the lifestyle without a choice and still not one bit of credible evidence that there is anything judging them besides their parents, society and themselves. I don't want my children indoctrinated and their significant others will have to meet my expectations, not a narrator/character who may or may not have committed genocide, condoned slavery, oppressed women, suffocated babies and drowned large swaths of humanity without the decency to make themselves visible.
I take pity on these children, but I have higher standards.
"You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I will never, ever choose to be
Oh, so many ways for me to show you
How your savior has abandoned you"
-'Til the last drop, N
