Not Ready to Make Nice
A little cliché, I know. I always felt for the Chicks, even if country isn't my preferred genre, I did very much appreciate the struggle they had with losing their audience with lyrics like "shut up and sing" resonating deeply as a blue dot in a red state.
JFC, I was done. I am done. I wanted nothing more than to sleep at night and NOT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT POLITICS for at least a year. And here I am, having to nurse my and my daughter's fears because of people who look like us. I always have been able to slink along because I'm unassuming, white and if I keep my mouth shut and fix my resting face, I can pass for a conservative in a right wing, racist, sexist state. I blend. After this week, I'm having a hard time with my jaw, it keeps opening and words come out. Angry, painful, cynical and deeply heart broken words. And all I wanted was a month long nap. It is hard coming to terms with the fact that I can't see them coming. And I just can't trust anyone who looks like me. I shamefully thought that having a uterus would stop people from voting for a rapist. That there weren't enough of those that look like me who suffer from Stockholm syndrome to the extent that I would have to worry about my children's futures. And if any of you went to Lilith Fair in your youth and turned around to vote for this human waste bucket, you can skip on down to hell where you belong. Better yet, go back to the other handmaids and wait for your assignment.
Furthermore, the benefit of living in your hometown is getting to console all those people who want you to tell them they're not racist and sexist for making the poor choices. This leads to wonderful holidays with family and a fucking living nightmare. But in fairness I'm not a minority so see above for the ability to hide. Which then makes you want to be louder with your disdain for bigotry, and often times I end up annoying myself.
So I'm going to drop some of my advice here for the white ladies who are all jazzed about shuttling in the end of democracy, and so I can use these later:
1) You are not special and helping him does not make him care for you. You are welcome to be subservient just leave me the fuck out of it.
2) Feminism is not rude, vulgar or weird, it is essential to ensuring our daughters are in control of their futures
3) The more you speak, the stupider you sound with no understanding that other women actually have self-worth. You're just jealous.
4) You have created the dumbest timeline and no one respects you, especially not him.
5) I will never, ever, ever forgive any of you for failing your fellow women, particularly black women who deserve your respect and your goddamn deference since you don't seem to understand how to adult, at all.
6) You sold yourself, but worse you sold out my daughter's future and I will make sure no one remembers who you are. You will be lost to history thanks to your mindless acquiescence to misogyny. I hope you end up in the bottom bunk in the camp so everyone steps on you as they climb up.
At the end of the day, it just means the peace I had hoped for is delayed. I have no doubt these science denying, civics illiterate degenerates will be first in line to catch the next viral pandemic and hopefully leave the world to those of us who give a shit about it.
Til the last drop - N
