Nov 5, 2024: Revenge of the Sith
So very much... There's so much electricity streaming through my heart, my lungs, my stomach, my brain... Peak anxiety right now. This is so very bad. I feel a real need to consider leaving this place. A hermit's life maybe. I'm really getting why Obi-wan hid in that cave for so many years. The jedi fell, and he holed up to watch over Luke. Self-preservation AND protective nature.
You're only powerless if you believe you're powerless. No one can take your power without your permission. This is what I will cling to and think on while I regroup and plan my next move. OUR next move. My daughter and son deserve a future they can be proud to be part of and where they are valued. They worked hard in school and have done everything right. They know how to treat people fairly and CARE about others as well as themselves. They are working on their future goals right now. They are wonderfully flawed individuals and I am EXTREMELY proud of both of them.
But now, I am faced with the reality that their future is going to be very difficult, mostly because the adults around them have FAILED them. It will be difficult for them, their friends and chosen families. The adults around them have shown in numbers that cannot be ignored that they do not want them to exist for one reason or another. Diseases don't exist or should be treated as "weakness". Whomever they choose to love will be judged unless they decide to mask themselves with a traditional home and white picket fence. Women are only baby-making machines. Subservience is the goal.
I have lived my whole life trying to please others and myself. I told myself that working hard, loving and living with those who are not exactly like me was good for me AND them, and that I was having a positive impact. That my tolerance for what some may call "simple disagreements" would be seen as strength, not capitulation. Critical thinking and the scientific method would win in the end. Well folks, I'm smart enough to know and STRONG enough to admit that I was wrong.
Being a blue dot in a red sea is a tough life. I stand by my analysis over the past decade: Blue dots don't want Red tyranny and oppression, Red team doesn't want Blue team to EXIST. That is not a simple disagreement over policy, it's a death sentence. And I'm pretty close to the final analysis which points to one main driver and clear tether that keeps Red team going: Money.
Sure racism and misogyny are heady drugs and great rallying tools, but MONEY makes the world go round. Money is power. Religion is a tool to gain Money and Power. Money is physical control, Religion is mental and emotional control. Power is the end goal and humanity's downfall. You see, to have humanity and grow emotionally, you have to be vulnerable at times. You have to allow for softening and sharing of your POWER. This is what we teach children, sharing is caring, asking for help or creating a new friend by reaching out and risking rejection are good things. Strengths even. But in the end, Power wins. Power builds "civilizations" and writes history. Power is all they will ever want, no matter what god(s) they pray to and to what religion they subscribe. And they will toss those tools in a heartbeat for more Power. They will throw you out or step wherever they need to get more Power. Even kill for it.
Definitely leaning towards the hermit's life.
-Til the last drop. N
